She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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