At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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