Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
