So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
