My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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