he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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