you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize