I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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