its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
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