her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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