Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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