will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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