Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
