this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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