Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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