Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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