What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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