I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
