Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
