Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
