I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
