i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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