wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
