I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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