I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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