The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
