I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
