oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
