my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize