The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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