Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
