wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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