I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We need to get me chipped asap
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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