My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
