U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
