So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
