just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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