areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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