I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
