I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
