i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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