This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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