someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
