I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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