She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
