make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
