im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize