That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
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i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
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I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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