Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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