I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
