im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
