listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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