We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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