I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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