I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
