All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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