The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I party with great urgency now.
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