the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I look better un-naked...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
