cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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