he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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