We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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